You would think running and drinking with the Buffalo Warriors would have an influence on whether you should be considered an American citizen. After all, you're running with a herd representing what should be America's national animal (what's with the bald eagle?). But no, they made my buddy Gabriel Lopez-Walle take a test and an oath, so now he's a full-fledged American citizen. Anyway, Gabriel has to wear that cheesehead hat to keep his overgrown pet mouse Pedro near him to avoid frightening the public. Gabriel, I'm proud of you and happy for you.
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